Love for the X,Y,Z Generation…

“Love” is a that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own…Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy”  ~ Robert A. Heinlein

I find myself here on a kind of lonely night, waiting for my bf to get home from work and listening to Ella Fitzgerald’s Misty.  What a voice.. I sometimes believe I was born in the wrong generation.  I wish love like that she speaks of still existed as frequently in the world as it did back then.  It makes me wonder what it would be like to live in a world without social media, porn so freely accessed by anyone, and the general ability to flirt/cheat on your significant other.  The days when your partner would go to work for their 8 hours, and come home to the family.  They would share their day with one another over a home cooked meal at the dinner table without the interuption of cell phones or television shows.  The kids would play outside, and come in with scuffed knees or grass stains.  Those are the things I grew up imagining would be my life.  Well not quite THAT old school, but I always wondered what life would be like for me when I was this age.  in no way would I have assumed life at 36 would find me divorced and facing the remarriage of my ex husband to his current girlfriend.  A rocky relationship of my own, which I am desperately trying to salvage and band-aid until we can heal from indiscretions.  I find myself in this downward spiral some days both due to physical health and emotional a lot more as of late.  Perhaps, one day, I will be able to look back on this rocky time and find that it was just another speed bump in the road of life, and a lesson learned that I can laugh at.. Perhaps.. Only time will tell..

Namaste.

Turning 36.. Small beans…

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.  No apologies or excuses.  No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.  This is the day your life really begins.  ~Bob Moawad

Wow, what a week it has been.  I have managed to turn 36 gracefully and without a meltdown of tears.  I won’t lie, when I think about the usual suspects I hang out with and how young everyone around me is, including my boss and his family, I think what the heck happened to me.. When did I get so old?  Then reality hits and I look in the proverbial “mirror” of my life and think how far I have come.  I have successfully made it this far in life and am very happy with the person looking back at me.  My neighbor and friend is 19 and we sometimes get to hang out, but not nearly enough.  When we do though, it reminds me of being that age and how little life problems were such a big deal back then.  Now a days, those little issue are the things I laugh at.. I try telling her all the time, life is to short to worry about finding a boy who will treat you right, settling down with kids.. just let life happen and it will all come at the right moment.  I can’t stress enough to her, to just love herself first and let life happen.  That and confidence in who she is.  Something that took me 30+ years to find.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I have days where I hate who I am for whatever superficial reason I have that day, but for the most part, I love me.  Old age and all.. It truly is all about the journey.. Whomever is reading this, always ALWAYS remember just that.

Now, after my wild weekend, it was back to work for me on Monday and also weigh in day.  Yes, I am still following my diet as promised and my 52 days money challenge too!  However, birthdays apparently are not meant to splurge the entire weekend.  At least that’s what the scale told me when I got on it Monday morning.  I have managed to gain back 5 of the 8 lbs. I initially lost.  However, I am sad to say I only worked out 2 nights last week and basically blew my diet the entire weekend.  So, it was back on the wagon for me, and this time I am re-adjusting my calories down a little.  I am basically sedentary at work, so I decided to go with the standard 1200 calories a day diet and a crap load of water.  Also, I am working towards a goal of 1 hour a night for 5 nights this week.  I swear, if something miraculous doesn’t happen to my scale next Monday, I think its time for a new scale. 🙂  I will continue to do the diet though, as I promised my boss I would and she is invested in it as much as I am.  I just hope something happens, its getting depressing.

One more major point.. Don’t cheese grate your finger.. EVER.. As I was in a hurry for work and already depressed by the scale numbers, I was making my lunch and grating some zucchini to almost cut off 1/2 of my thumb.  Craziest thing about it is, I didn’t even notice I was hurt until the blood decided to race from my hand like a robber being chased by the police.  It was like an ocean all over my poor lunch.  Me, in all my wisdom, never really hurt myself.  At least not enough to require bandages, and honestly probably stitches, so I didn’t have a first aid kit in the house.  So here I am, running very late to work on a Monday, with no lunch, depressed by the scale and bleeding profusely from my hand.  So, what else do you do but go to your boyfriends moms house for some motherly TLC and some bandages. 🙂  Thankfully, she is around the corner, and also around the corner from my bosses house as well.  So in the end, all is well.  I still have use of the rest of my fingers, thankfully.  I will have a gnarly scar, and a boring story to tell, although I am thinking I may just say I was fighting ninja’s and got caught in the line of their sword? Meh, probably should stick with the truth.

So, that’s been the ending of my 35th year, and beginning of my 36th.  Eventful to say the least.. I am looking forward to 36 more though, and only hope when I am 70 something, I can give all the knowledge I have to someone for future use.  I have learned so much these last 36 years, I can only imagine what the rest of my life will hold.

Have a blessed night, week.. Until next time. Namaste.

 

 

Without music life would be a mistake. – Friedrich Nietzsche

I had to title this blog a famous quote simply because there is so much truth in this one little statement.  Music has always been and always will be a key part of my life.  I, myself, am not musically inclined (although it is on my bucket list to learn some instrument), however, I can never explain how much of an impact music has on my soul.  It’s really strange how a tune you haven’t heard in 20+ years can bring back so many memories and feelings.  I have always been one to associate a person with a song.  I‘ve never really known why I do this, probably some strange OCD thing, but I do.  So, when after 20 years I am listening to some old 80’s music and I hear something specific, I immediately think of that person.  I have an extensive collection of music.  I would have to venture to say somewhere in the 2tb range on my hard drives, if not more and that’s not including the music also have on CD.  I always turn to music to set the mood for me as well.  A prime example of this is when I am cooking.  I suppose it depends on what I am cooking, but I like to listen to certain styles of music for certain types of cooking.  Usually, I find myself stuck on something jazzy, or slow-tempo but not to “mushy” if you will, but slow and relaxed.  Sometimes, I like to listen to crazy upbeat stuff, and something I can dance around the kitchen while chopping vegetables type of music.  I am not sure what the point of this whole thing is, but I think it all goes back to the title of this blog.. Life truly would be a mistake if we didn’t have something so beautiful to share.  After-all, don’t speak unless it improves on silence, right?  For me, music does just that. 

Have a good one all and Namaste.

Worry for what?

 

Clocks slay time… time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.  ~William Faulkner

As I awoke this morning to my normal routine of grabbing my phone before hitting the bathroom then checking email and my social media, I was graciously surprised with a lovely email from my ex-husband.  We have been separated now for just over 3 years, and it’s definitely had it’s ups and downs.  However, I am a firm believer that if I could spend more than 18 years of my life with someone, then I think I can be grown up enough to still maintain a friendship, right?  Well, I am thankful to say the least that we are still what I consider very good friends, whom wish nothing but the best for one another on our paths in life.  I digress, back to my story.. As I read through his email, he spoke of his new life in Minnesota, and some of the experiences he has had while being there.  Now for most readers, you are probably wondering why this little tidbit of information would matter?  Well, this year I would have been with my ex for more than 21 years and in those years, I think I have heard him speak of his life a handful of times if I am lucky.  To sit and read a very well written, and long letter from him describing his new-found happiness with his job, home and new life was so exciting for me.  Usually, it’s me writing the “book” long emails telling of all my stories and crazy roller-coaster of a life.  His email didn’t focus on me though this time, and wasn’t in response, but was solely about him..  It truly made my heart smile to know he is finding happiness, even in small things.  I can only hope for many more letters like this to come.

On a secondary note, after the nice email to wake up to, it was finally time.. The scale was haunting me and I knew the dirty deed had to be done.  So, I stripped as naked as I could without skinning myself (insert smiley here) and I hopped on with baited breath.. To my astounding surprise, I was down 8.4 lbs!  I thought surely I must be half asleep still, and I got off, reset and hopped back on.  Yup, my eyes were right!  Now, I am sure a lot of this was water weight, and I am doubtful that next weeks results will be even close to this weeks, but I was ecstatic!  I had to share, so I immediately posted on my social media, and let my little piece of the world know.  Then, of course, on my way to work I celebrated meeting (and exceeding) my first goal of 5 lbs by stopping at Starbucks (for a no calorie green tea of course) and boy did victory taste yummy!  I also realized in my excitement today, that I am a very lucky girl to have such a support team behind me and to keep me accountable.  I have my social media friends, whom I know most of in person as well and I have my new app Myfitnesspal.  It’s an amazing site/app and keeps me very accountable for my actions throughout the day.  My next goal is around the corner, and I am so excited to see if I make it by Monday of next week.  Even if I don’t I am not going to dread it as much this time, as I know with working out, muscle weighs more than fat so it is possible I could gain here and there.  As long as I am staying on track and being healthy though, I know its the right thing for me.  Only 70 lbs more to go to my ultimate goal!  I won’t by any means be a “skinny minnie”, but I will be smaller than I have been since I was a teenager and I am stoked!  This week, I would really like to work out at the real gym, if time allows rather than my condo’s crappy gym with 3 working machines.  Maybe then, I can work on that “six pack abs” I have been wanting (jk)..

On a final note for the day, I am happy to say I made some pretty darn amazing homemade (and very healthy) pizza for dinner.  Mine was chicken and veggie and Ozzy’s was pepperoni, chicken and tons of cheese.  Ok, so his wasn’t so healthy, but mine way and YUMMY!  I really don’t know why I haven’t been trying to eat better a long time ago.  So, here is to another productive week both at work and personally for us all.  Enjoy everyone and Namaste. 🙂

 

 

 

Happiness isn’t brought by the number on your scale…

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.  ~Frederick Keonig

As my Sunday is coming to a close I find myself  bit in distress about tomorrow.  It’s my official 1st week weigh in.  It’s been hard to not weigh in all this week and count every single morsel that has gone in my mouth.  I think my biggest fear is that perhaps I haven’t lost an ounce, or perhaps even gained a bunch.  While I have pretty meticulous about counting calories, logging them and drinking more than enough water on a daily basis, I still fear I haven’t worked out enough, or I haven’t be honest with my goals and calorie intake.  Usual fears, I would assume?  Not to mention the HORRIBLE cheat day I had yesterday, with the football game and being around friends.  Such is life I suppose.  Only tomorrow will tell, and if I didn’t lose anything, than I am “ok” with that too.  I won’t let this discourage me and cause me to stop the goals I have in mind.  I have set up a list of weight loss goal “treats” today as well.  I am hoping by seeing this list of things that are tangible, but not my usual routine to splurge on, I will be more likely to strive for these goals.  Some are simple like go see a movie, spend $5 at Starbucks on a green tea and then some as the weight loss gets higher in numbers are more extravagant like spend $50 at the bookstore, or go buy some new clothes and shoes.  So, I am hoping with the tools I have put in place and some much needed moral support from everyone around me, I will not be like the typical “dieter” and quit in a week when my hunger for chocolate supercedes my desire for the goals I have.  I truly want to follow through on this, and I know after I have reached my goal I will not only look smokin hot, but I will feel so much better!  So, here is to another week coming.  Maybe this time next week I will be able to say I have lost 4-5 lbs.  Every pound counts.. No matter what though, I am happy with what I have and who I am.  That’s a fact.

Namaste.

 

There are no losers here..

We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.  ~Vince Lombardi

Yesterday was the final game for either the New Orleans Saints (my team) or the Seattle Seahawks for the 2014 chance at the Superbowl, and unfortunately the Saints lost 15-23.  However, they put up a great fight until the end.  I would normally be kind of sad about it, although I have no control over the games, obviously, but that doesn’t hinder the fact I look forward to watching it every year.  Not only does it take me back to New Orleans, even if for a minute, but its a fun time to razz friends and strangers alike.  It also makes for good conversations out in public when you get to wear your teams gear.

Yesterday though, Ozzy and I were invited to our mutual friends house to watch the game.  This above all, was the most important part of the day.  It didn’t matter if their team won, or if mine obliterated.  At the end of it all, we had some amazing laughs together, shared stories, good food and friendship.  To me, this matters more than any win or loss that would have happened.  I am thankful to find such genuine people, and know they still exist in this world.  I look forward to seeing if their Seahawks go all the way, and if they do, I will be there 100% supporting their team!  I couldn’t have asked for a better day.

Namaste.

Better Late Than Never..

I like the word “indolence.” It makes my laziness seem classy.  ~Bern Williams

Have you ever had one of those weeks that you just were miserable but you didn’t really know why?  Well, this week was just that for me.  I wasn’t miserable, per-say, just not my usual oh well such is life happy.  I am unsure if it was because of my radical diet change and exercise routine, or if its because I am a women in her mid 30’s and I am still emotional with the monthly visitor.. Perhaps, its just the cold weather, and I need to allow myself some time to feel sadness, anxiousness, whatever this is.. Anyhow, all of this leads to the fact that I missed my goal of blogging daily yesterday, so I am saying, “Who cares, better late than never!”  So here is my happenings from yesterday, and summing up my work week as a whole.

As Friday came to a close, I found myself putting together a shelf unit for my boss and the family.  As I am surrounded by literally hundreds of kids toys, 4 screaming children, a wife who is angry at her husband for not helping with the shelf unit and a very hurt hand the I managed to tab with the screwdriver about a dozen times.. I thought why do I do this?  Not only was I “starving” since I didn’t get to eat my lunch or drink the required water for my challenge, but I was doing all this manual labor only to know at the end of the day, I would have to go home and not be able to sit down and relax, but continue with the manual labor by cooking dinner, fixing a very leaky bathroom sink that managed to leak into the downstairs neighbors bathroom as well, and then dreadfully go work out without even knowing if I have lost a pound during this whole thing.  So, what did I do after work?  I came home, ate Subway (kind of healthy I suppose), fixed the sink temporarily, and sat on the couch and cuddled with my “kiddos”.  Yup, I was lazy, I said it.. Happily I was a lazy, old woman and I DONT CARE!  I am not going to feel guilty, angry, bitter.  It has been a long week on me both physically and emotionally, so I just took some me time.  Now, today is a new day, fresh to begin again and I am happier because of it.  I am given a new chance, and I plan to get back on my proverbial wagon and ride into the sunset.

On a happier note, I did achieve a lot last week.  I have done really well on the diet plan, and am finding some new healthy recipes I like a lot.  I made dinner with my man the other night, and cooking with someone you love is TONS of fun!  Not to mention, I always believe anything cooked with love tastes that much better!  We made Rosemary chicken with onions and it was only 300 calories, but boy was it AMAZING!  A definite must make again dish.  Not to mention, the next day leftovers were also amazing!

I put my money for my 52$ week challenge into my “bank”  This is funny because my “bank” is a rubber Obama piggy bank that I got as a white elephant Christmas present.  I guess this is one way to save your pennies.  I am looking forward to my trip to Italy, and as the weeks go on, and the money amount gets higher, I will be saying this a lot as it will be more and more difficult to do.  I got this though, just like I got the diet.

Next week is my … … … (very long sad pause here) … … … 36th birthday.  I am a huge fan of celebrating others birthdays, but when it comes to mine I kind of like to shroud in darkness and hide from the world.  Birthdays don’t really bring me good mojo, as they are usually a sad reminder that I am getting old, have grey hair and my bones hurt me on a daily basis.  I am however, looking forward to the possibility that my guy will remember that I love, love, love black forest cake and he will go to the amazing bakery around the corner and have a cake made for me. 🙂  He doesn’t read this blog, so if he remembers, it will be pretty amazing.  On my actual birthday, I am going to PIG OUT, no calories counted, no worrying about exercise.. It’s MY day and I think I deserve it.  A birthday present to myself.

Ok, well that’s all I have for now.  May we all be blessed in our journeys and find some peace of mind today and always.  Until my next entry.. Namaste.

A day at the museum..

“Our first teacher is our own heart.”  – Cheyenne

In my daily job description if I would have ever known it would include spending an afternoon at the Discovery Children’s Museum with two 5 year olds and being a kid again, I would have signed up YEARS ago!  That was truly the highlight of my day.  My boss has been practically begging me to go with her and the kids for some time now, and something keeps happening and I can’t go.  So today, against all odds, I made the trip with them.  It was so exciting to watch the little faces of excitement as we arrived at the museum, followed by the little hands dragging me from area to area in hopes they could show me all the fun stuff in the short time we had before it closed.  After pretending we were in a hurricane (in the wind machine), running through the massive slides with multiple levels of coolness, pretending we were pirates and finally grocery shopping in a kid sized market, then of course the full meal cooked by pros, I can say nothing more than I am truly blessed.  Even in the dark moments when I wish I had another job, with more pay, things like this happen to me and make me stop in my tracks and realize how unbelievably lucky I am to be right where I am.  I love these kids as though they are my own, and I can’t imagine life without them in it.  I will kick the day when anyone tries to hurt them in any way, and will be a force to be reckoned with for sure.

Now, on to the gym to finish out my day, and burn some calories towards my weight loss goals.  It’s been a good day.

Namaste.

Starvation is it worth the struggle?

 

When it comes to eating right and exercising, there is no “I’ll start tomorrow.” Tomorrow is disease. ~Terri Guillemets

As day three is quickly rounding up to an end, I am finding it difficult today to curb my sweet tooth cravings.  While the challenge I am on doesn’t require me to count calories, simply eat better, I choose to also count calories for my own good.  I have a goal, and I plan to meet it.  However, that all sounds excellent in theory, but in reality I am struggling today for something sweet.  I am praying this is a passing phase, and I can just keep drinking water and occupying my time with other activities, but this is DAMN hard.  Not to mention, when I ask the man who is supposed to support me through this what a good “sweet” snack would be, his answer is, “Does a chocolate covered strawberry count as healthy?” 🙂 As much as I would like to think in some off the wall land it might be healthier than a dish of carrots, in my world I don’t think that one little strawberry is worth all the calories.. I guess I will just dream of far off lands where this is true, and if anyone is reading this blog, perhaps you know some secret “goodie” that is healthy and yummy.  PLEASE SHARE!

On another note, not much else has happened in my world today.  I am looking forward to Saturday, as I have been invited over to a friend’s house to watch the football game between the New Orleans Saints and the Seattle Seahawks.  This is an important game, as it will put us one step closer to the Superbowl.  Also if we win, we may be playing against the 49er’s in the next weeks game, which is important to a good friend of mine as well as me.  Of course, I don’t want to be cocky, but I think we have this one in the bag.  In all seriousness though, I am mostly looking forward to some much needed relax time with wonderful people.  See y’all on Saturday.

Oh and to top the day off, I forgot to write about an experience I am very jealous of.  Ozzy, was at work the other night for 14 hours (yes, a long work day indeed) when I get this text saying something along the lines of, “I think I just saw Macklemore.  He was standing right next to me.”  To which I reply,  “If it is, get his autograph!  I love Macklemore!”  Later that night, when he returned home he proceeds to tell me about his day at work at which time he tells me he not only got to go to the Macklemore concert, while being paid for it, AT my favorite club in ALL of Las Vegas, Rain –  but he RAN INTO Ryan Lewis while there!?!? How is this fair? It isn’t, but he got some amazing pictures, had a great time and got paid.  I am thrilled for him, and it will be a memory long lasting for sure.. All I ask is next time, perhaps the concert fairies will put me in a similar position but with someone like ohh lets see.. Snoop Dogg? 🙂

Ok, on this note, I am dropping it like it’s hot and going to get my workout on.  F* YOU CHOCOLATE cravings.. F U. Have a blessed day/night/life.. Namaste.

52 Weeks, Paying it Forward and Life..

Experience is not what happens to a man.  It is what a man does with what happens to him.  ~Aldous Leonard Huxley

I have long been a supporter of the bucket list idea.  I have my own, and I am sure most of the people who ever read this will as well have their own hopes, dreams and aspirations they would like to accomplish while here on this earth.  Well, one of those items I have is to travel to Italy.  So, I have decided this is my year, yes.. I *AM* going to go to Italy.  It’s one of those long term dreams I have had, and I think at 36, well, its about time I fulfill it.  Perhaps this is my Italian part of my Eat, Pray, Love journey.  I have just gone backwards.. I found Buddhism, then love and now to EAT! 🙂  Anyway, how am I accomplishing this I ask myself?  Well, I am a member of this meetup group called “The Bucket List”.  They are starting a thing called 52 Weeks.  Basically it is saving money a little at a time.  Week one you put in a jar 1$, then week two add 2$ and so on.. At the end of the 52 weeks you have saved $1,387!!  Now, towards the end of the year, when you have to put in almost 200$ in one month, that may be a lot, but by that time I figure I will be so excited I have saved it won’t matter.  Which is why I am picking one of my dreams.. So, I am going to make a cool jar sometime this weekend, and add my money.  I would love for anyone of my friends to join to see if you can do it too.  I could use the support, and who knows, maybe we can all go to Italy!!  After all, who else will I share my giant plate of spaghetti with?

Another thing I have longed to do is: Pay It Forward.  I always try very hard to be a good human being, always respectful and loving and aware of other people’s feelings.  I always feel like I need to do more though, and make bigger ripples.  So, another one of the Bucket List ideas starting February 1st is to do a Post It Notes challenge.  With this one, you leave post it notes all around town with positive messages for others to find.  It doesn’t have to be specific or even daily, but they do encourage you do it weekly.  You can leave them on mirrors in bathrooms, in menus at restaurants, ask the drive thru attendant to put one on the next persons meal, anything.  Just as long as your leaving someone a smile that comes after you.  So, my challenge is going to be to do this at least once a week and take a picture to post here on my blog.  I am hoping that this will inspire you, the reader or someone else who receives a special message to do the same in return.  After all, how much do post it notes cost, and how much time does it really take?  Hell, the person getting it may only get that one positive note that day, and you could be the change they need.  What do you have to lose?

On a personal level about my day – Nothing majorly happened in my world.  I kind of played “hookie” from work, even though I did work stuff.  Part of my job is marketing our tutoring business and recruiting both tutors and students.  So, as part of my tasks, I was asked to go to high schools and put up fliers advertising our business.  So, I managed to make it to 2 schools today.  That was more than enough for me to handle in one day.  Talk about all the weird, emotional memories that come back as you even pull into the parking lot of a high school.  Now I know why I hated school to begin with.  Now mind you, its been almost 20 years since I was in school, yet it was like nothing had changed.  The same “clicks” still exist.  Boys still treat the girls like nothing but a hole to stick their you know what’s in, there are still those kids who don’t fit in anywhere and are so sad looking you just want to hug them, and then of course the typical popular sports crowd who think they own the world.  Everyone still thinks they are invincible, and above everyone else.  Not something I miss in the slightest.  So, after dealing with a bunch of rotten stuck up kids, I got to spend some much needed quality time with Ozzy and basically enjoyed the remainder of our day doing errands and house chores.  I miss days of being able to do nothing at all and just being stress free.  They need to come more often, but I am sure this is something we all feel, right?

Now on to the last major event going on in my world as of late.  I am doing a fitness challenge with my bosses wife for a pretty big chunk of money if we win and also a photo shoot.  I am excited as it’s not really a “diet” as in we are limited on calories and have to work ourselves to the bone, but more just living healthier and finding time to do more “us” things.  We have a couple of simple rules no eating after 9, 30 minutes a day of some sort of exercise, no soda of any kind, 5 fruits/veggies a day and some personal goal to be done daily as well.  So, that is why I am blogging.  This is my personal goal.  Well, I plan to do this at least 5 times a week, then one night a week have date night with my man. 🙂  We don’t do it nearly enough, and now that he is working 14 hours days most of the week, those date nights are even more important to me.  So, this is day 2 and hopefully my blog and healthier lifestyle will continue long after the challenge is complete.  Wish me luck.. It is a “requirement” for work, so I guess that is also good motivation right?

Well, that has been my day.. Thankfully I have been given another day to share with the world.  May we all find peace and happiness in our lives today and always.. Namaste.